oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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