You can't special order awesome
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize