Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
