why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
