Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're like the curious george of whores
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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