remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
