what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
