saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
