i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
