My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
