sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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