Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
