I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
