Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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