I heard we made out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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