2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
