I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
