I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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