I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize