how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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