somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
