i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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