In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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