I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
