Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
