he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
