these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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