Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize