Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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