absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
