You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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