Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
