so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
