whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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