I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize