i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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