In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
