I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
