absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
