Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
