So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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