After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
