I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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