I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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