You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
