I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
