I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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