my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
