she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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