I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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