I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
