peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
