At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
