i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
