if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
