ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
