..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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