All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
