I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
