I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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