Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize