you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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