is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
