i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
