where am i from again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
