Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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