does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
