I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
