you guys were way drunker than both of me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
