dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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