idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Non-Jews are for practice
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
