after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
